Lets end the week on a high...

...in more ways than one but thats by-the-by lol!

As I sit here at the pc on my big fat pillow, which is doing a very good job of cushioning my big fat bum, I am reflecting on the week that was and am luxuriating in how cosy I am feeling compared to just a few days ago...aaaahhh!

As reported, whenever it was I last reported (I have totally lost track of days!), my body was getting over the chemical warfare of Monday and I was feeling a whole lot better. Well, on Friday I had a surprise visit from my 'baby' Tom, his girlfriend Roz and not forgetting Marley the pooch and I had the most lovely day! Tom has recently started a horticultural course at Moulton College which isnt so far from here, and he had a test on Friday so decided to drop in on his dear old Mum...aw! Here is is showing off his shiny new overalls, and what a proud Mummy I am:



and Tom & his lovely Roz:



We had a wonderful afternoon nattering about this and that, doing the puzzles in the newspaper and generally chilling out. Even Bubbles and Marley came close to making friends, though Daisy ran for cover until the coast was once again clear! I felt so relaxed and comfy, and it was just so nice to have a fix of cheerfulness, as opposed to a certain person shouting at the tv or grumbling about all the doom and gloom in the paper...sigh! It was good to have my boy raiding the fridge while his Roz made me a cuppa...what a treat to have a cuppa made for ME! Then Carol arrived and between them they ate all my chocolate peanuts, but hey...it was worth the sacrifice for such a fun day which did wonders for me on so many levels!

Even when they all went home and I returned to the living room and the 'tv abuse', I could zone it out and carry on my relaxing while I caught up with all my bits and bobs on facebook....oh, so many crops waiting to be harvested and pigs to be fed! I didnt go to bed until about 5.45 am....I didnt want the day to end as it had been such a nice one, and I know this all sounds so cheesy, but sometimes it takes a GOOD day to come along to make you realise just how crappy a lot of the other ones have been recently and make you want to get yourself a few more of the good ones!

And this will tell just how much it perked me up - I found myself able to toddle along to cuttingedge in the wee small hours and do some stash shopping...yay lol! It had been so long, I bet cuttingedge had missed me and I bet profits were down! And theres more...I actually found my way to the emporium today and did a little crafting! I got back to playing with the pretty little wreath that I am making and really enjoyed myself - I might actually finish it soon so that I can show it off to you.

Of course there are one or two other things that have helped bring my good feelings about. One being that I might just have got my meds dose right to keep me really comfy when I am sitting, and even in my bed (as long as I dont try to turn over!) The walking is still hellish, although not AS hellish, and Ive decided that the radiotherapy is just going to have to deal with that. Im adapting to the meds too, and am suffering less of the sleepiness so am getting the good bits without the bad - it all helps. Then most of all, are all those sparkles that are beaming their way to me - never underestimate the power of a sparkle!

I am very much making the most of these good days as this coming week will bring goodness knows what! On Monday my ovaries will be being 'chemically de-activated' he he...and as far as I am aware, the side-effects I can 'look forward to' with that are pretty much those associated with the menopause, ie: hot flushes and mood swings...poor poor Dad lol! Then of course Wednesday will be zappity zap zapping! I understand the side-effects of that (if I get any...but whats the betting?!?) will accumulate during the days of treatment and beyond, and involve a lot of running to the loo with dodgy bowels and possibly cystitis...oh joy! Lets just hope that I do actually re-gain the ability to RUN to the loo in the process he...yikes! Things could get very tricky there!!! However, whatever transpires, it will all be in a good cause as it will all be working its magic to make me better....hang onto that thought Sue!!! And you lot can remind me of that thought too if I come along here in a state of (as Gina puts it) on my nose! lol!

Before I toddle off I have a couple of random photos to share with you. Firstly, here is a gorgeous ceramic cupcake that I found in Wilkinsons...



Perfect for little trinkets or crafty bits and bobs - in fact its a really nice size and Im sure it was less than £2 - a bargain, and Im sure you ALL need one of those!

The other, very random, photo is of my eldest son Joe when he visited recently...and decided to 'entertain' the neighbours by practicing his flute in the garden...



Not exactly dressed for the Albert Hall there are you Joe, and Im not even showing your ODD socks, but hey...good on him teaching himself this that and the rest!

And finally (at last say my readers!), on the 12th of this month it was my dear old Dads 80th birthday (I do love him really!) Celebrations were always going to be difficult as he really doesnt like leaving the house for any length of time and certainly didnt want any fuss. In addition to this - this was when I was in the 'secretive' stage of my little situation and sadly I was unable to involve my boys in anything really as I couldnt face them at that time...lots of regrets about that but its just one of those things.

Well, on the evening of Dads birthday, my sister miraculously persuaded him to indeed leave the house and we went out for a nice meal. Here are a few snaps from the big event:

You can just about see Dad here sitting behind his cupcakes complete with 80 candles...



...and just after he blew them out (all on his own!)



...and a piccie of the family



From left to right we have: Sam Ben Jack (my sisters triplets), Anne & Keith (my bro), me, Dad, Carol (sis) & Russ.

And there you have it, I think I am all caught up....phew! Thank you so much for popping by, and if you have got down this far.....welldone you!

Here's to a lovely Sunday - it will the crossy for me and Carol.....and a trip down the sweetshop to replace those chocolate peanuts!

Big hugs, Sue xxx

Just a quicky....

...to let you know that I am feeling a whole lot better than I was at my last post...jeez that was a yukky couple of days! I have since found out through research that my reaction to the drug I had on Monday is quite typical...thats not what they tell you in the blurb though of course! Evidently, the first dose is usually the worst and drinking plenty of water before and after is very helpful...so at least I have a strategy for next time!

Today was my assessment ahead of my radiotherapy, and on first arriving at the hossie they said I would be getting my first treatment this afternoon....WHAT???? However, this turned out to be an 'administrative error' and actually I will commence zapping on Wednesday...yay! This doesnt by any chance coincide with promo changeoever does it Lee? lol! I had my little tattoo dots done today - not that Ive looked for them yet...with all this blubber I doubt I would find them, but Im all set to go!

Regarding your comment to my last post about my Dads driving Lee - you could not be more spot on! Add up all the incidents over the years, multiply by a zillion and we could be getting close.................it was an utter nightmare and I have decided absolutely never ever again! I would sooner have walked...even in my state! Thank goodness that Carol will be on radiation duty, and if for any reason she cannot make it, I shall call a cab!

I thank you for your continued hugs and sparkles...see, they are getting through and working their magic! I'd ask for a few for Dads driving abilities...but dont bother, we wont be going there again!

I hope you are all having nice sleeps, Im going to harvest a few crops before heading for my nest and with a bit of luck, sleep through the grocery delivery in the morning lol!

Hugs & sparkles back at you!
Sue xxx

So where did the fairies bugger off to...???

A little update following Mondays treatment, as I believe where I left you last...I was waiting to welcome the fairies into my little world and enjoy a good nights sleep....

Sigh.... the fairies abandoned me Im afraid, or rather the gremlins shoved them out of the way, and I had the most dreadful night...pain, panic attacks and to top it all off...chucking up my cheese & onion sarnies in the middle of the night - absolutely NOT nice! I spent yesterday in bed moaning and groaning, only getting my weary arse out of bed when sis came to visit at about 5. Those bloody kitties kept jumping all over me, and resisted my efforts to shoo them off by sinking their claws in....they are lucky I am not sitting here now wearing a pair of odd slippers!!!

Thankfully today I have felt a little better as the day has gone on....I needed to get those pain meds back in me having chucked them up (sorry, but I did promise you gore!), and hopefully this blip will be very short lived. By the time I have my next infusion I will probably have had my zapping done so things will be different....and hopefully in a positive way! Tomorrow morning is my assessment for the radiotherapy - that shouldnt be too traumatic (other than Dad is driving me there...yikes!), and Im guessing I will get a start date for the treatments. Fingers crossed that I will not be such a BABY for the next onslaught!

I do apologise, but try as I might, I cant find a 'funny angle' to the last two days....I must try harder!

Will try to check in with you all again tomorrow with an update, but meanwhile sending oodles of sparkles out there to all in need!

Sue x

Hooray....its all systems GO!

Firstly, let me thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of your sparkles and good wishes, jokes and for some of you poor souls...your battered ear'ols when Ive needed a rant about you know who..and boy have I had the need to rant! If I thought 'his' driving was the worst thing I would have to put up with, I was very much mistaken....but zip it Sue, you never know, one day he might come along and read this!

Anyway, today brought a whole new range of experiences as I went for this 'infusion' of magic potion which will harden up my manky bones and hopefully hold back the tide of doom lol! Some things never change...the hell that is parking the car for a start - I left that to Carol after she dropped me at the door and I shuffled my way along the maze of corridors. Then an hours wait before being called in, but hey ho, we dont expect anything different do we and as long as they give me all the time I need once I do get in there, Im fine with waiting (just!) . But when I was finally called through, well, I was really taken aback and a little shocked if Im honest. There was this big room resembling an old peeps home, with patients of all ages, shapes and sizes scattered around doing their chemo thing all out in the open! I kind of expected a quiet room all to myself...I dont know why, but if these things are nothing else, they are a learning curve! I really didnt like it at first, but after a while I did warm to the idea....the hustle and bustle around you was a welcome distraction (although the various beeping of the machines drove Carol up the wall...she isnt into beeping things....or cats meowing!) You could if you chose, have a natter with your 'neighbour', and on the whole it made the time go by quicker. Having said that, Im glad my bag of dollop only takes 15 minutes to infuse into me - some of those folk had been in there for hours! Of course that 15 minutes only begins once theyve done with faffing about getting things ready, and most time-consuming of all...finding a blooming vein they could work with....mine all seem to go into retreat in such surroundings which isnt very useful eh! Anyway, once up and running, it was all very comfy and so far I have felt no ill effects - and no REALLY GORY details to inflict upon you which is really disappointing lol! I will be back for more of that in 3 weeks time and that will continue for as long as it is doing me some good.

However, the day turned out to be about more than just a bag of goop - I now have more appointments and I feel that we will very soon be getting down to the nitty gritty. On Thursday morning I go for my radiotherapy assessment - this will involves scans to identify where exactly they want to zap, and I may get some little tattoos to mark these out. This makes it quicker when you go for the actual zapping as they just line things up and away you go. I hope its true what Rachel in Friends says, and these tats will be licked on by kittens...lol! Im hopeful that now this appointment has come through, I could possibly commence zapping as early as next week! Surely I will be able to extract a bit more gore out of that!!! ha ha ha!

Thats not all, I have my appointment also to put my ovaries to sleep - that will be next Monday.

What a lot of happenings for one day! Although this is exactly what I wanted....I did have a wobbly evening feeling rather overwhelmed with it all....scary/excited, it is all quite mind blowing!

Speaking of 'my mind'....I am awaiting a visit from the fairies this evening as my morphine has been significantly increased. I was a bit cheeky and took a bit extra over the weekend and it did make that little bit of difference which was very welcome. So I spoke to my GP today and confessed...and she said I had actually been very sensible (I know my crafty buddies find that hard to believe, but she did use the word sensible about ME...honest!) She agreed to up the dose even a little bit higher and I look forward to some comfier days.

Oh it was such a relief to get home and start to relax, and now I look forward to a couple of peaceful days of doing nought!

The eyes are feeling rather droopy now and I think those fairies are on their way, so while I can still focus, I will wish you all sweet dreams and a very happy Tuesday!

Hugs, Sue x

Just one 'courageous conversation' left...

...and this is it....

I could go all round the houses and up the flag poles, but that wouldnt really make this any easier for me or those of you who do not already know my news.

The thing is, the jippy hip has turned out to be something rather more 'difficult' than the odd slipped disc or me being a funny shape. That naughty breast cancer has come back to bite me on the bum...quite literally, and has taken up residence in my pelvic bone. Though this is pretty grim news, on Tuesday when I went for the results of the many tests I have had, this was the best of news as I have to tell you, that without explanation I was called back for CT scans on my liver and chest....and OMG words cannot describe how that made me feel - doomed I guess pretty much sums it up!

But all my other bits and bobs are clear and safe (HUGE relief!), therefore I have one contained area that is going to need some work. Seeing the image on the screen was scary I have to admit, as a pretty significant area appears to be affected, but it did explain all the pain, and it does seem to be all bunched together so to speak - so with plenty of sparkles I am hopeful that we can kick its butt!

For those of you who are interested, my treatment plan is as follows: Already we have binned the Tamoxifen as it clearly hasnt done the job it was designed to do. I have been given the alternative drug which is for post-menopausal women...and as my body isnt clear where it stands in that respect, I will be having monthly implants which will put my ovaries to sleep. (Sorry Dad, but it seems any hopes of a grandaughter have finally been dashed! lol!)

Next up, starting Monday I will be having infusions (injections via IV) every 3 weeks of a drug which strengthens bones & prevents spread of nasties among other magic things.

THEN the big guns come out when I will have radiotherapy. I am waiting for the appointment for that but it should be very very soon. I will do a Monday-Friday, have a weekend off, then Monday-Friday again and that will be done and dusted...just all the meds to keep things under control and HOPEFULLY keep things shrunk!

NO CHEMO...phew!

Evidently, this is going to result in me being pain-free...woohoo....Ive forgotten what thats like! For the last week or so, I have been having morphine - the very idea of having that was a trauma in itself to be honest, but a couple of days of feeling wobbly about it later, I accepted it as necessary to get this pain under some sort of control. I have had reasonable days, but I think we still have a way to go with getting the dose high enough as getting about is still way too much effort. Mind you, if they get the zapping underway soon enough, it might be that we can dispense with the morphine altogether soon anyway.

So then came my courageous conversations - telling my precious boys....jeez that was the hardest bit of all. I had made the decision that I could not tell them anything until I had the full picture, ie: extent of the problem and a treatment plan in place. Any earlier than that and they would have suffered the sheer fear that I and the people around me have suffered and I simply could not see any point in that. The bottom line was that I didnt really know very much at all - I was being sent for tests without any back-up information, which was just plain cruel in my view, and I wasnt about to spread that about! Things could have turned out to be far far worse, but they did not..so the time was right. All my boys came running for a big fat hug and we had lots of giggles and no tears...well, not that they let me see anyway! It was a relief to get that bit over, pop the first of my new pills and get this healing show on the road!

Carol, my sister has been my rock - she came in to see the consultant with me to get the results which I thought was very brave (I just wanted to run for it!), and she was marvellous with gathering information that was going in one ear and out of the other to me..as there was just so much of it. She has done endless running around for us, and most importantly has kept my pecker up at those tricky moments....AND held back tears - I saw them welling up Carol, and way to go girl for holding them back! She has put up with my moans and groans about Dad...as have my buddies, as he keep trying to feed me things I dont want and continues to watch nothing but war stuff on the tele! Sigh...!

I thank my office chicks and the little group of crafty buddies who thankfully sent enough sparkles to make things not so bad, and have also kept my pecker up at those (many) tricky moments! On the up-side....I have had a good few weeks, with more to come, of NOT having to iron that bloody uniform lol! Every cloud eh.....

Anyway, there you are....thats the news and phew....all my courageous conversations are done...hooray!

I will no doubt feel compelled to share the odd gory detail with you as indeed I did before, but as always I will be looking out for the funny side of things.....you can always find them if you look hard enough, and I will apologise up front in case I offend anyone along the way!

I welcome all and any sparkles that you can spare, and I am sending plenty out there to those in need..and you know who you are my lovelies. Gossip (the juicier the better), and jokes...inappropriate or otherwise all welcomed!

Righty, my work is done...now for a chill-out weekend. Have a good one ladies!!!

Hugs, Sue x

HELLO ALL..yes, I am still here....but....

....I think I am still having difficulties coming to terms with the nature of my last post...you know, the one that seems to imply that one day, in the not too distant future...I am going to have to locate the bloody ironing board.....and USE IT...good grief!

Since that post, I have been repeatedly washing and tumbling...yes, you hear me you naughty blouse making people....TUMBLING the one shirt in the hope that the fabric will indeed soften and that the wrinkles (of which there are sadly very many...ggrrrrr!!!) will fall out all by themselves - and do you know what, I cannot possibly return to work until this matter is resolved! Why the doc would not put 'untreatable stress at the thought of ironing' on my sick note, I really do not know...surely this is an entirely legitimate reason to wangle some 'crafting leave'!!! Evidently it is not, so I have had to come up with other strategies to achieve my annual crafting leave lol! Im afraid that I am unable to elaborate further on those strategies until I have had some 'courageous conversations' - probably later this week....and I didnt even get to go on the courageous conversation course...eeeek!!!!

Suffice to say at this point that I continue to have a jippy hip! Being the most lazy person in the world, my recent weeks of lounging around have not been too difficult I suppose and in fact, things have been made even more cosy since the arrival of a new flannel bedding set - QVC Northern Nights...I thoroughly recommend it! Stripping the old bedding off was a bit of a trial of course, but I saved 'the best bit', ie: getting the duvet into the duvet cover for my sister to do...ha ha ha! She did state in no uncertain terms that I was now taking 'playing on my incapacitated state' way too far...he he...but she did the deed without much growling at all....thank you Carol! However, she has warned me, that no way on this Earth will she be feeding my kitties if I continue to give them Felix out of a can as it makes her gag... and if such assistance becomes necessary, it will be dry food or they can starve for all she cares! And she is an animal lover too lol! No worries...I have purchased bags of dry food just in case!

Odds and ends of crafting have been done - I might even get some piccies on here soon, only I keep starting things then getting bored with them so start something else. I dont think a slide show of half finished projects would be that inspiring really would it! More than that, I dont think I have enough gigabytes on the pc to actually feature ALL of my half done projects!

Ah well, there's a little update for you and now its time to harvest some crops, feed the pigs and shove some MP3 players on me shelves...oh, its all go here!

Special sparkles go to the office chicks, who...not only have to do my zapping but also have a pile of the ghastly 'i' word to do each week too!

Big hugs all round! Sue x